Ask Christina!

Christina Lee is a staple of the San Francisco nightlife scene and can be spotted at all of the hottest bars, clubs, and restaurants around town. Between modeling, partying, and pursuing a career in fashion, she takes time out to help the romantically-challenged here on Phil 

If dating is a full contact sport, then consider Christina your hitting coach.

[Note: we reserve the right to reject and ignore any questions. We also reserve the right to make slight edits to your questions as we see fit for clarity of purpose, ease of read, or spelling errors. All content on this page is copyrighted 2003 to Christina K. Lee. Please do not repost any of this content without the explicit written consent of Christina K. Lee.]


I need some advice. There's this girl I've been trying to get closer to without being overly pushy or making my intentions very obvious because in my experience I tend to rush things too much.. so I've been taking this rather slow. I've seen at maybe a little more than half a dozen random parties and a club and she's been rather friendly to me. We chit-chat on AIM a bit and I've called her a few times for some length conversations. Oddly enough even though it seems things are going well, I feel like she holds back on certain things with me. That's not even the main problem though. This semester she was pledging for a sorority and recently cross. I got a lot of time in with her even though she was extremely preoccupied with school and her organization. I wasn't bothered by the fact that she took another guy to her installs/formal because I realized I go to a different school and even though its close in the grand scheme of things I don't have the good fortune of being able to see her or visit that place all the time.

What does bother me is that my eyes and ears in her school have told me that she really likes her date more than a friend, but when a few people I asked confronted her about it in person she told them she wasn't sure if she liked him. When I asked how her date was and if she was interested in him she told me straight off yea he's just a friend its not like that.

I'm sort of at a loss at what to do and I need some fresh outside advice. I mean honestly she's never called me on her own whim and I'm not sure if its because I'm in the back of her mind or if she's one of those girls who wants to be pursued. From what I hear she's very popular with the guys and she has tons of guy friends but no commitments. I sort of feel lost in the shuffle of her deck of guys haha.

I was just wondering whether you think she is still worth spending energy and heart on. I mean I admit at first it was a simple crush. I thought she was extremely cute and I decided to approach her to which I thought was a very good beginning. After getting to know her a little better and finding out her background I began to like her more. We have a lot of similar interests and we don't have much trouble talking but somehow I feel like she holds back on expressing herself in conversation. I don't know whether this is just how she is or if she's trying to consciously stay distant from me.

What should I do!

-Dazed & Confused


Hi Dazed and Confused,

The fact that you are writing this to me, tells me that she's got you by the balls. You said it yourself, she has many guy friends and she isn't into commitments. Looks like you are looking for a commitment yourself, so there's your answer. It's very simple, you know she doesn't want to commit, therefore, she's not the one you are looking for. Just forget about her, and something that is right for you will come along. It's a harsh reality, but you have to face the truth. I hope everything works out =)


I have a question....I am a 30 year old man in Cleveland, OH. A little over a month ago, I met this woman.....she is 31. I really fell hard for her, and we were intimate pretty much right away. We were really great in bed together, and everything else seemed really great too......she was easy to talk to, get along with.....granted we just met, but you know in the beginning of something special, you just know that it can be special? That is how I felt, and she told me the same.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, she told me that she needs to take a step back -- I have since found out that there is another guy in the picture, and I know for a fact that he has spent the night with her. I am so can she tell me all of these great things, and be so intimate with me, and yet go to someone else so fast? I know the difference between hook-up sex and really special sex.......I thought we were both on the same page when we told each other that this was special........

Another note......she broke off an engagement in January.....Is she just having some fun with this guy? I know that she has had him spend the night; he was at her place last night (yeah, I spied a little......horrible, I know....) But just on Saturday, she stopped by my place to say "hi", and we went for a walk. At the end of the walk, I told her that "I adore her, and that's why this hurts......" And she said she adored me too.....Should I believe that, if she is with someone else?

I know I just met her a little over a month ago, but I feel as if I have been duped.......My friends tell me to forget about her.....I kinda think I should........

Do you think this girl is worth my time? I am a really romantic guy, and she even knows this........I am starting to think I was just hypnotized by the great sex.......What should I do?


Awwwww, I hope that things have gotten better since the time you wrote this to me. (BTW, I refuse to call you a "sucker")

I'm gonna keep this short. Yes, forget about her. Listen to your friends and forget about her. There are tons of women who would love a romantic guy, and that girl was obviously not the right fit for you.

Not only that, you need to make sure that in the future, you take things SLOW. For your own sake, take things slowly and do not think too much about where your relationship might go with the person you're dating. Just takes things slow and one day at a time, enjoy one another's company without applying too many feelings at all. Keep your options open until you find the right match. Never sell yourself short by just settling with whoever is willing to date you; always make sure you have options to choose from.

I hope that this helps a bit and of course hope that things are better by now. I would love to hear from you on how the situation is going, and also to hear what your thoughts are on the advice that I just gave you. Until then, good luck!


Hey Christina-

Currently I am still going out with this girl, but she hasnít called me for like 2 weeks. We used to talk to each other everyday until she got in trouble for lagging in her math class. After that she hasnít called but she still goes on the phone. At school I canít seem to find her around; itís like sheís hiding from me or something. I saw her yesterday and tried to avoid her but she called me over. I asked her where she hangs out now and she gave me an answer but it wasnít that clear. She said she tries to find me but she couldnít. I know she is lying because Iím always at the basketball court.

I sent her a message saying if youíre not doing anything afterwards and wanna talk feel free to call, but she never called. (I think she thinks Iím cheating on her with another girl- because I was talking to 3 other girls, 2 of them were my exes but they were helping me out with this gf)

I dunno what to do now,

Hey "atm"

I think you should just come clean and tell her that youíre interested in her. Everything that you have written to me should be conveyed to her. Tell her that you weren't dating anyone else, and that your ex girlfriends were just simply giving you relationship advice. Instead of stressing, I think you should just talk to her and ask her if she is still interested in you so that time isn't being wasted with assumptions. Well, I hope this helps, basically just ask her and tell her the truth about the other girls that are just friends of yours. Keep me posted =)


Hi Christina!

My girlfriendís friend saw me gettin freaky on the dancefloor with my ex at a party the other weekend. The friend has never liked me, and of course exaggerated to my gf about what had gone on. My girlfriend hasnít talked to me since, wonít take my calls, and ignores my emails. I really wasnít doing anything bad with the other girl (not kissing or anything), but probably just got a little carried away and danced too close to her. How can I let my girl know that sheís still the only woman in my life???

- The Forbidden Dancer

The Forbidden Dancer,

Wow, girlfriends with friends that hate you is a toughy. I would go to her house if she is ignoring your calls and emails, you have to try to find a way for her to hear your side of the story. And be sure to acknowledge that you know what you did was inappropriate, because I'm sure that if you saw your girlfriend gettin cozy on the dancefloor with her ex you wouldn't be happy.

Honestly, if your girlfriend is aware already that her friend doesn't like you, she should have the common sense to know that her friend would fabricate the story a little to make you look even worse than what really happened. 

Lastly, I would have a talk with this friend of hers and find out what is really bothering her about you. Solve that issue.

-- CKL

Dear Christina,

Thereís this one girl who Iíve been seeing around the parties, and weíve made eye contact a few times but I havenít talked to her yet. When sheís not surrounded by girlfriends, there are always guys in line to talk to her. I donít want to blow my first impression on her, but donít know how to approach her without being just another one of those guys? What can I do to make myself stand out and make a good impression without looking like Iím trying to hard?

- Poised and Waiting

Poised and Waiting,

You should approach her, bottom line. Don't sit and wait around until someone else picks her up and then the next thing you know, she's TAKEN! I would recommend for you to approach her when she is with her girlfriends though, to avoid any conflict with the other guys trying to talk to her. Be a gentlemen, which I'm sure you are, and introduce yourself. Let her know that you've seen her at these parties on several occasions but never had a chance to meet one another. Spark up a simple conversation and then ask if you can buy her a drink as a way to lure her away from her girlfriends so that you two can have alone time to talk. If she says no, then just say your offer is still up when she is ready for another drink. Now you have made contact with her, and instead of just standing in a corner watching her, you can actually go up to her and say hi everytime you see her! And build the relationship from there. Hope this helps! Keep me posted on what happens!


Hey Christina-

Youíre hot! Are you single?? OK, just so this has a better chance of getting posted, Iíll ask a legitimate question too. How does a normal guy get to date a super-attractive woman? What are some qualities us average joes have that hot women might find interesting enough to give a second glance to?

- Joe Somebody

Hey Joe Somebody,

Thanks for your kind words and I'm sure you're not too shabby yourself! Ok, and to answer your question, I don't think there are any specific ways in gettin your "super attractive women" as you put it. But if you really want an answer, I would have to say just BE YOURSELF! Gentlemen, I don't know how us girls can stress how important it is for a guy to just be themselves. Puttin up a front, or an act is a complete turn off. If you find that being yourself doesn't help you in gettin the girl that you want, then obviously she is not your type. It's a hit or miss situation. 

And to answer your other question on whether I'm single or's a secret ;) shhhhh


Dear Christina-

I catch my boyfriend (I'm female) checking out other girls when we go out. He gives the usual line of "Looking at Hondas makes me appreciate my Porsche that much more." Blah blah blah. I'm generally not insecure about myself, but it's been happening more and more lately, and I can't help but think it's only a matter of time before he wants to do more than just look. What can I do to get his attention back on me and not these younger, skinnier, hoochier girls? Or should I just let him look? After all, looking is technically harmless. Or is this the beginning of a bigger problem?

- Not a Hoochie

Not a Hoochie,

Men will always check out women and women will always check out other men. It's in our nature to do so. If you feel that he's been doing it more and more lately, maybe you should make a comment on the girls that he's looking at. If you catch him eyein some chick, make a comment on whether you think she's cute or not and see what he says. There are two things that can happen: 1. He will agree with your comment or 2. He will disagree with your comment. I think if the girl is obviously a hottie and he says to you that he thinks she's "ok" looking and dismisses the conversation, then there might be an issue. He has a problem with being honest with you maybe because he feels you will get upset, or he is just down right shady and has an ulterior motive.

I personally think that if a couple can critique the way someone else looks (whether it's good or bad) that just shows how strong that relationship is, no insecure issues on both parties, and there is a great deal of trust within the relationship. I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much, if he does decide to mess around behind your back, then he really did you a favor-- proving that you are too good to be with him. 

-- CKL

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