Lee is a staple of the San Francisco nightlife scene and
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I need some advice. There's this girl I've been trying to
get closer to without being overly pushy or making my
intentions very obvious because in my experience I tend to
rush things too much.. so I've been taking this rather slow.
I've seen at maybe a little more than half a dozen random
parties and a club and she's been rather friendly to me. We
chit-chat on AIM a bit and I've called her a few times for
some length conversations. Oddly enough even though it seems
things are going well, I feel like she holds back on certain
things with me. That's not even the main problem though.
This semester she was pledging for a sorority and recently
cross. I got a lot of time in with her even though she was
extremely preoccupied with school and her organization. I
wasn't bothered by the fact that she took another guy to her
installs/formal because I realized I go to a different
school and even though its close in the grand scheme of
things I don't have the good fortune of being able to see
her or visit that place all the time.
What does bother me is that my eyes and ears in her school
have told me that she really likes her date more than a
friend, but when a few people I asked confronted her about
it in person she told them she wasn't sure if she liked him.
When I asked how her date was and if she was interested in
him she told me straight off yea he's just a friend its not
I'm sort of at a loss at what to do and I need some fresh
outside advice. I mean honestly she's never called me on her
own whim and I'm not sure if its because I'm in the back of
her mind or if she's one of those girls who wants to be
pursued. From what I hear she's very popular with the guys
and she has tons of guy friends but no commitments. I sort
of feel lost in the shuffle of her deck of guys haha.
I was just wondering whether you think she is still worth
spending energy and heart on. I mean I admit at first it was
a simple crush. I thought she was extremely cute and I
decided to approach her to which I thought was a very good
beginning. After getting to know her a little better and
finding out her background I began to like her more. We have
a lot of similar interests and we don't have much trouble
talking but somehow I feel like she holds back on expressing
herself in conversation. I don't know whether this is just
how she is or if she's trying to consciously stay distant
What should I do!
-Dazed & Confused
Hi Dazed and Confused,
The fact that you are writing this to me, tells me that
she's got you by the balls. You said it yourself, she has
many guy friends and she isn't into commitments. Looks
like you are looking for a commitment yourself, so there's
your answer. It's very simple, you know she doesn't want
to commit, therefore, she's not the one you are looking
for. Just forget about her, and something that is right
for you will come along. It's a harsh reality, but you
have to face the truth. I hope everything works out =)
|I have a
question....I am a 30 year old man in Cleveland, OH. A
little over a month ago, I met this woman.....she is 31. I
really fell hard for her, and we were intimate pretty much
right away. We were really great in bed together, and
everything else seemed really great too......she was easy to
talk to, get along with.....granted we just met, but you
know in the beginning of something special, you just know
that it can be special? That is how I felt, and she told me
Well, a couple of weeks ago, she told me that she needs to
take a step back -- I have since found out that there is
another guy in the picture, and I know for a fact that he
has spent the night with her. I am so confused.....how can
she tell me all of these great things, and be so intimate
with me, and yet go to someone else so fast? I know the
difference between hook-up sex and really special
sex.......I thought we were both on the same page when we
told each other that this was special........
Another note......she broke off an engagement in
January.....Is she just having some fun with this guy? I
know that she has had him spend the night; he was at her
place last night (yeah, I spied a little......horrible, I
know....) But just on Saturday, she stopped by my place to
say "hi", and we went for a walk. At the end of the walk, I
told her that "I adore her, and that's why this hurts......"
And she said she adored me too.....Should I believe that, if
she is with someone else?
I know I just met her a little over a month ago, but I feel
as if I have been duped.......My friends tell me to forget
about her.....I kinda think I should........
Do you think this girl is worth my time? I am a really
romantic guy, and she even knows this........I am starting
to think I was just hypnotized by the great sex.......What
should I do?
Awwwww, I hope that things
have gotten better since the time you wrote this to me.
(BTW, I refuse to call you a "sucker")
I'm gonna keep this short. Yes, forget about her. Listen
to your friends and forget about her. There are tons of
women who would love a romantic guy, and that girl was
obviously not the right fit for you.
Not only that, you need to make sure that in the future,
you take things SLOW. For your own sake, take things
slowly and do not think too much about where your
relationship might go with the person you're dating. Just
takes things slow and one day at a time, enjoy one
another's company without applying too many feelings at
all. Keep your options open until you find the right
match. Never sell yourself short by just settling with
whoever is willing to date you; always make sure you have
options to choose from.
I hope that this helps a bit and of course hope that
things are better by now. I would love to hear from you on
how the situation is going, and also to hear what your
thoughts are on the advice that I just gave you. Until
then, good luck!
Currently I am still going out with this girl, but she
hasnít called me for like 2 weeks. We used to talk to each
other everyday until she got in trouble for lagging in her
math class. After that she hasnít called but she still goes
on the phone. At school I canít seem to find her around;
itís like sheís hiding from me or something. I saw her
yesterday and tried to avoid her but she called me over. I
asked her where she hangs out now and she gave me an answer
but it wasnít that clear. She said she tries to find me but
she couldnít. I know she is lying because Iím always at the
I sent her a message saying if youíre not doing anything
afterwards and wanna talk feel free to call, but she never
called. (I think she thinks Iím cheating on her with another
girl- because I was talking to 3 other girls, 2 of them were
my exes but they were helping me out with this gf)
I dunno what to do now,
I think you should just come clean and tell her that
youíre interested in her. Everything that you have written
to me should be conveyed to her. Tell her that you weren't
dating anyone else, and that your ex girlfriends were just
simply giving you relationship advice. Instead of
stressing, I think you should just talk to her and ask her
if she is still interested in you so that time isn't being
wasted with assumptions. Well, I hope this helps,
basically just ask her and tell her the truth about the
other girls that are just friends of yours. Keep me posted
My girlfriendís friend
saw me gettin freaky on the dancefloor with my ex at a party the other weekend. The friend has never liked me, and of course exaggerated to my gf about what had gone on. My girlfriend hasnít talked to me since, wonít take my calls, and ignores my emails. I really wasnít doing anything bad with the other girl (not kissing or anything), but probably just got a little carried away and danced too close to her. How can I let my girl know that sheís still the only woman in my life???
- The Forbidden Dancer
The Forbidden Dancer,
Wow, girlfriends with friends that hate you is a toughy. I would go to her house if she is ignoring your calls and emails, you have to try to find a way for her to hear your side of the story. And be sure to acknowledge that you know what you did was inappropriate, because I'm sure that if you saw your girlfriend gettin cozy on the dancefloor with her ex you wouldn't be happy.
Honestly, if your girlfriend is aware already that her friend doesn't like you, she should have the common sense to know that her friend would fabricate the story a little to make you look even worse than what really happened.
Lastly, I would have a talk with this friend of hers and find out what is really bothering her about you. Solve that issue.
Thereís this one girl who Iíve been seeing around the parties, and weíve made eye contact a few times but I havenít talked to her yet. When sheís not surrounded by girlfriends, there are always guys in line to talk to her. I donít want to blow my first impression on her, but donít know how to approach her without being just another one of those guys? What can I do to make myself stand out and make a good impression without looking like Iím trying to hard?
- Poised and Waiting
Poised and Waiting,
You should approach her, bottom line. Don't sit and wait around until someone else picks her up and then the next thing you know, she's TAKEN! I would recommend for you to approach her when she is with her girlfriends though, to avoid any conflict with the other guys trying to talk to her. Be a gentlemen, which I'm sure you are, and introduce yourself. Let her know that you've seen her at these parties on several occasions but never had a chance to meet one another. Spark up a simple conversation and then ask if you can buy her a drink as a way to lure her away from her girlfriends so that you two can have alone time to talk. If she says no, then just say your offer is still up when she is ready for another drink. Now you have made contact with her, and instead of just standing in a corner watching her, you can actually go up to her and say hi everytime you see her! And build the relationship from there. Hope this helps! Keep me posted on what happens!
Youíre hot! Are you single?? OK, just so this has a better chance of getting posted, Iíll ask a legitimate question too. How does a normal guy get to date a super-attractive woman? What are some qualities us average joes have that hot women might find interesting enough to give a second glance to?
- Joe Somebody
Hey Joe Somebody,
Thanks for your kind words and I'm sure you're not too shabby yourself! Ok, and to answer your question, I don't think there are any specific ways in gettin your "super attractive women" as you put it. But if you really want an answer, I would have to say just BE YOURSELF! Gentlemen, I don't know how us girls can stress how important it is for a guy to just be themselves. Puttin up a front, or an act is a complete turn off. If you find that being yourself doesn't help you in gettin the girl that you want, then obviously she is not your type. It's a hit or miss situation.
And to answer your other question on whether I'm single or not.....it's a secret ;) shhhhh
I catch my boyfriend (I'm female) checking out other girls when we go out. He gives the usual line of "Looking at Hondas makes me appreciate my Porsche that much more." Blah blah blah. I'm generally not insecure about myself, but it's been happening more and more lately, and I can't help but think it's only a matter of time before he wants to do more than just look. What can I do to get his attention back on me and not these younger, skinnier, hoochier girls? Or should I just let him look? After all, looking is technically harmless. Or is this the beginning of a bigger problem?
- Not a Hoochie
Not a Hoochie,
Men will always check out women and women will always check out other men. It's in our nature to do so. If you feel that he's been doing it more and more lately, maybe you should make a comment on the girls that he's looking at. If you catch him eyein some chick, make a comment on whether you think she's cute or not and see what he says. There are two things that can happen: 1. He will agree with your comment or 2. He will disagree with your comment. I think if the girl is obviously a hottie and he says to you that he thinks she's "ok" looking and dismisses the conversation, then there might be an issue. He has a problem with being honest with you maybe because he feels you will get upset, or he is just down right shady
and has an
I personally think that if a couple can critique the way someone else looks (whether it's good or bad) that just shows how strong that relationship is, no insecure issues on both parties, and there is a great deal of trust within the relationship. I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much, if he does decide to mess around behind your back, then he really did you a favor-- proving that you are too good to be with him.